Did someone bribe Utley to lose? (go back »)

How did schmuck on a rope lead us into a win?
Certainly not by making that fantastic face numerous times.

This is just confusing. Why are you pretending to be part of a painting? No one asked you to pose.

Wow, retarded twins fans. First off, why the holy hell are you standing in the rain like you have never seen water before? And your shirt makes little to no sense, most baseball teams do it outside. Unless you are referring to coitus, in that case, why is your team having sex on fake grass?

ZOMG the ump on the left looks like Grimace's older creepy brother that lives on Grimace island with the other Ronald McDonald characters, like that stupid IAmHungry green mush ball thing and the mcnuggets who get dizzy on a spaceship.  Anyway, ump needs to stop being so obvious with his bun staring.

BWAH HAH at the guy who's mouth can probably fit a bus. Clearly he will be ridiculed for all time.

Uh oh, Horse Tranq appears to be starting to feel the aftereffects of tranqs, such as heart burn and dirty thighs.
WTF spanking?

Oh noooo watch out for his scary shinguards, they might come to life! Who are you, Spiderman?
You can always rely on Texmex to make abrupt faces that cause a person to believe he may become morbidly obese. Don't believe me? Let's put Texmex's ugly face on trial in TEXMEX V. THE WORLD. (?)
Exhibit A: The twist and puff

Exhibit B: The fifty-chin fail of Falafal

Exhibit C: UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Exhibit D: Where are my teeth?
We will get back to him in a few I need a break from Texmex hysteria.
Have you ever wondered what Tranq looked like extremely close up when he is thinking about statues?
You're welcome.
You are also welcome to see Tranq if he was a tiger/giraffe/bear at the zoo who wants flesh.

as well as

are equal to nonsense and proof that Reyes is definitely attempting to turn into some sort of animal.
Let's forget about Tranq's ridiculous life and move on to an amazing story from the past.

You see, Grimace used to be even more of a dopey guy with a huge smile/crazy eyes when he was a Brave and his fans chanted moronically. And his bff (in this case, brave for fun) was Chipper. Mostly because Chipper was old and confused about everyday tasks, such as putting his legs into pants and chewing his food. On one cold spring morning, Grimace was walking around the field laughing about literally nothing when Chipper walked over and said "Where the fuck is my glove, Francouer? Did you eat it?" However, the glove is...well you see it. So for once, Grimace did not grimace as brightly as he normally does and had to tone it down so Chipper would not beat him with a raw piece of hamburger.  Eventually, Grimace decided to pretend he was a gumshoe (he is now Grimace the Gumshoe, ask anyone) and "found" the glove using his handy dandy pickle car and a ketchup bottle to write down clues. Then he was traded and Chipper forgot that he had a face.
This story was extremely stupid but it needed to be told.

It's hard to read a few sentences isn't it, big fella? Oh...okay, well, you could have told me that you are making this obnoxious face because you saw a large critter in your garage. How was I to know?

Also, if this was the "large critter" you saw in your garage, you might wanna get your eyes checked. Often.

What is this, the ump choir? Cut it out.
WOW.
You should...I don't...Pushpins would be wise....Um....
Anyway...back to the TexMex trial.

Exhibit J: The trying too hard, no one cares fatty

Exhibit is pimping your ride: The Blowing Chunks. (Stop running so fast tubby)

Exhibit Something: The Apocolypse.
Alternately, there is Apocolypse 2, or the Flight of the Retarded Seagulls

and finally exhibit 47: Not safe for anyone at anytime ever.
Or, God Save the TexMex.

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