Francoeur=Grimace, Pelf=Pedapelf, suck it (go back »)

So Grimace, uh, how's that seagull blood tasting?

Huh. Yea I'm backing the fuck up.
And speaking of creeps in vans selling lollipops to minors, here's Pelf finding out his hand was smeared in poop by five fellow team members last night. 

Maybe you will think thrice before licking your hand like a wounded racoon, you shmuck.
The dumbass man-children on tv are all "Power or Pelf?" and I'm all "Potatoes with fried rice, you buy now!"
Because that makes as much sense as their bs.
So tomorrow (allegedly) Horse Tranq (supposedly) is coming back to the Mets (probably) and his reaction is all

Wow. Do they just inject the horse tranqs into your brain? Christ, get a hobby fool. And honestly? It only goes downhill from here...It turns into like moose tranquilizers laced with heroin from Mexico.

Why are Pelf's panty hose on your head here? Who is that helping?

Oh right of course. Also, this picture creeps me the fuck out. For one, why is Maine constipated to no end? And are his eyebrows about to jump off the page and attack? If you wanna be intense, go make a Harry Potter sequel.

Wow, again? Is it just me? He looks like a wax figure only ya know a creepy one that comes alive at night and rapes and pillages closed grocery stores looking for baby food and crackers.

Yeah yeah give me the thumbs up all you want it's not gonna pay for child support.
I hate making fun of D. Wright because of the whole "dirt is brown" incident of '09, but wholy whores who dressed him here?
Christ, I probably had that shirt in 9th grade. Keep in mind, I am female and don't have man neck to make things awkward. That made 47% less sense than usual, but that's less than half so hooray!
Where is this hooligan pushing Murph, into a great heaping pile of traffic cones? Grow up.
So moving on from the fuck ups, Big Black Fridge, how are my condiments and coldcuts doing in your...

Oh. Um, another time then. Geez.
As time has passed and leaves...do things, Pettitte's melty face has gotten particularly...amazing/horrendous lately. Observe.

It's like art. Abstract art that no one buys because who the fuck wants "Red square in red square having sex with blue triangle"?

Rim rod, his hand is up. UP. Jesus, and why is Girardi looking on like "MMM HMM butt sex and pancakes"

Wh...no. No. It has become TOO easy to make homoerotic jokes at  your expense. Invest in some chaps and move back to Texas.
On a light ending note I have discovered Man Goodies is alive, well, and still looking like a ball muncher.

Heigh ho silver!