wow. it's march. (go back »)

It's time to write this thing that no one reads. Ha. Pathetic.

Anywhoodle, let's begin with this guy who I think may be imaginary. Only because I am supposed to believe this guy's name is..Boof Bonser. No, I did not have a stroke or make that up trying to be cool. I mean...well, I won't even go there. And look at his face.

THAT. is exactly what I expected to see when I heard his name was Splooge Boner. And really, is that a mitt on your head? I could have sworn it was an angry buzzard who hates you.
Also, Fish Beckett needs to stay the hell out of my fridge, it's getting ridiculous You definitely needed to see that. I like when people go blind from Beckett's lard.  I wonder what else Fishface has been up to?

Ya know I could have gone my whole life without seeing this. But now it's there, burnt in my retinas. And that's sadly not all.

What the halitosis? Did he just wake up one day and say "Hey, fuck hicks. I like my twelve chins and belt you can see from Uranus. Now pose with me random southerner and then shoot a deer with my laser beam eyes."
...uh, okay.
So what will the rambunctious and probably racist new season bring?
Coaches comparing their boyfriends' penis sizes?

EXTREME faces that are unnecessary unless you got some poo hangin off your ass?

The basic evil return of big black fridge Ortiz?

Well, yes, all of the above. Grow up.
So wonderbread Wright still knows dirt is brown, so we will always have that. He also has a grill...and I'm not refering to the "Hey everybody let's see if we can cook this pair of pants on the grill." No.

Sometimes I can't make this stuff up. And it makes a tear roll down the recycle indian's face.

Sh...shut up horse tranq. Why are you wearing twenty hats, are you proud to be a Thyroid hazard?
So what else have you been up to horse tranqy, besides not playing baseball which you get paid for and then proceed to roll around in like a pig?

Ah. The classic...um...stand in front of a huge tire while snow falls and talk about your ability to catch snowflakes with your tounge. Yes. Anything else?

OH. Okay so um...being santa for homeless people on a bus. That's...better?
So Wright, what about you? Besides ruining your teeth with Nelly's merchandise what have you..

Right, I'm gonna take 12 steps to the EVERYBODY RUN INTO THE ABYSS. Seriously, are you a blow up doll? Are you taking up all of the oxygen by becoming a vacuum, just so Pelf can't breathe? Take your time, lemme know. I'll be in the abyss.
Uh, so Daniel Murph is 24. Which means he can do this with his knees and no one will beat him with blunt objects.
At least, not yet. 
Cah-los Bel-TRan (emphasis on the Carlos Beltran) is uh...he is...Carlos is...

No, no, just stop. You're not doing shit in a shingle. Plus you have a booger in your left nostril. Fix. it.
Francoeur is busy making everyone stare at his junk while he steals their bologna sandwiches.

For shame faggot for shame.
Hmm...ya know, I wonder what ever happened to Man Goodies? Still pedophiling those children with piggy banks?
Yea that's probably right.

WTF AIDS?
 That caption made little to no sense, but I like it there.

...BWAH hah hah mime. Don't tell him the key for the box is in Paul O'Neill's cleavage
holy shit! Ok. Paul O'Neill is one creepy fuck.  Never again.
Hey Hardon, how is life over there with your pitching and penis name and whatnot?

"I choose you huge flock of seagulls I shall name Flying Diglets! Use your piss off attack on that random Oriole!"
What? Wait hold on a second. Wait did random Oriole do to you? I...
Oh shit, random Oriole, use your counter attack! Anything but bringing out fucking Metapod who just keeps hardening or whatever the hell he used to do.
So Santa and Spaz from wrestling walk into a stadium
and friggin Miguel Cabrera's uncle Juan catches the ball, causing Christmas to be canceled. Damn.

HAHAHAHAHA! Ohhhhhhhhhh holy shit, look at black guy's face. He's all "Oh old whitey. You crazy...(low demonic voice) You best watch out mother fucker I will pull out yo kidneys and sell them to my CHILDREN!"


Wow. THAT...is alot...of balls. And I am gonna regret saying that aren't...I?

Don't look off in the distance anal rapist. I didn't say your name or your magic number.
To conclude...Have I used this picture as clear evidence that Derek Jeter is a secret transvestite that needs to be covered in cellophane asap?
Well NOW I did. Sweet dreams.