Home is Where the Plate is

How do you know it's time for the mukluk of what we like to call " Mets Baseball Season" to begin?

When Pelf creeps around with a pedophile beard and two lazy eyes, you know it's time.

When the entire team decides to play "Imitate the Antelope who will die first in the herd", it's definitely time.

When David gets all Justin Timberlake glasses on our asses and licks the fiberglass, it might be time? Possibly?

When Bay still looks like he has a concussion, you know it's time to beat him with a baseball bat and replace him with a grizzly bear.
When Horse tranq is still...

Ahem, sorry...when horse tranq is STILL...

o...ok, I quiet, I quiet.

When Murph reappears quietly, but awkwardly, and the fruitbat behind him shoves a fist up his belt buckle, it's not time. So we stay confused about that.
And finally

When Man Goodies decides to puke up his bowel movements, you know...oh, by the way...

This? Scares me beyond belief. Besides the whole creepy porcelein doll face and vein that is about to make it's own theme song, why is he suddenly a Met? Who will explain this poppycock?

No. What is this I don't even

Why am I opening with a picture of Black Fridge looking like a retarded dog about to encounter a UFO (ugly fucking oriface?)? Because I can.

And his friend Bel-trah, Cahlos' long lost brother, is confused/extremely angry about the amount of time that has passed since I mentioned him. I don't apologize so go drown.

If you are all insinuating that the Blue Jays have crabs, congratulations, you are wrong. They have blue balls and a mean case of chaffing, making it hard to walk.

Thank you for your demonstration man with awkward beard. I applaud your courage.

Well, look at you, inventing the rake shovel, or rovel. Shake would have been the obvious choice homo.
AND THEN THE MAGICAL HELMET LIFTED HIM INTO SPACE AND ALL WAS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.

Lol at Cahlos stuck in a bush. Don't bother telling him how to escape, just let him think he is in a corn maze.

Arod forgot to step OUT of the fridge.

Jeter still thinks he is a mechanical mouthed dough boy.

and Texmex is a donkey. A donkey that gnaws on blades of grass and shin guards.

and it's been awhile, because my entire team decides to fail alot. 

"W...wait! Stop running! You forgot your...oh never mind."
Well that was terrible. Now you all know why I was on hiatus. And look who is angry at me for disappearing.

No, not that ritard Grimace. He is stuck in the concrete furniture. And no one plans on helping him.

Yea, oh, I am so sorry. Like you are actually upset, you are probably contemplating how to keep a straight face watching Teletubbies.

Look, I despise Krod too, but I never EVER stare him straight in the eyes and blame him for stealing the hamburger meat. Besides, we all know who really stole the patties.

You, yes you, they are clearly all shoved in your right ass cheek pocket.

no, no, no, you are not black Superman or ethnic Spiderman, stop.

Why is Pelf all,"Woah, WOAH GUYS! I'm getting dizzy like a spinning McNugget!"
Yea no one is gonna help, queer. Also, stop mentioning food, I am hungry.

ANnnnnnnnnnnd I just lost my appetite. Jesus christmas, cover up with a paper bag, man!

Or do that. Though I doubt that is you...unless you become a black guy after hours.

When random shit like this happens, you just gotta laugh and let the acid trip begin.

Or you can pout and curl up into the fetal position, right douche bag?
To conclude, Andy Pettitte has hips.

which apparently makes Roidrage howl at the moon/ache in the crotch region.

How appropriate.

Wow, this guy is so amazed at how his hands can go out in front of his body. And douche with sunglasses on his hat is smug as an asshat after feeding guy mushrooms.

Horse McTranqs is on the tranq patch, so he's starting to simmer a bit.

And by that I mean barely. 

Yes, fantastic, show everyone your boy band moves and point at the old man in the front row, I'm sure he cares.
And Rookie IKE's reaction to this tomfoolery?

That's right, angrily blow into the water bottle so it sounds like a wind chime instrument. That will show Tranq.

"Yea Mom, I gotta go, Old Harry Potter is about to attack ump for sneezing."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...." 
Or he is just gonna pee his pants.
And look at this ump with his boxy boobs and angry expression.

Black Torre is so offended he must push other ump into Boxboob ump for satisfaction.

Why are you limping off into the sunset that doesnt exist? Pull it together chum bucket.

Why is Bay so intense and focused on pounding his fist into Tranqs? Does he have Death Powder on his knuckles?

Are you planning on becoming a pirate with a wooden arm made of bat? No? Then stop.

"But I don't WANNA go to the carnival!"
Well the carnival doesn't want you there sweaty mctesticle so stop crying.
Apparently for Uggla and A-Corn, it's breakdance terribly/do pushups like a tiny girl day.

Cue the sad trumpet sound that I keep hearing in Puerto Rico.
Who the fuckity fuck decided, "Hey. Bernie Williams. He was a Yankee at some point, huh? Do you think he would wanna...play the guitar at a Met game?"
Well sure he would.

Iron your shirt, fruitfly.

Everyone's reaction here is priceless. Blanco is probably asking "Who are you and why am I wearing pants at this hour?" Tranq is trying to hide his sadness about his hat wanting a divorce. Carter is a retarded Nazi. Francteeth is a zombie of some sort. Old man river to our left is getting older, needs his blanket and a rocking chair, possibly a glass of water for his dentures. And don't forget Niese with his...pink lipstick of mischief.

Excuse me, is this the 80's? Ok, no, so why are you posing and crying in the dark like a hair metal band?

Amazing seats at the mets game last night, able to see Pelf lick his hand and Francteeth shave his beard.
Fuck you Luigi, no need to rub in your ridiculous win. 
Wise decision, taking your anger out on a bucket of bubble gum. And drawing a starfish on your hand.
Although I can understand where the anger stems from.
BLAH blugh throw up.
Ugh, the gruesome twosome need to stop bumping and humping. And I need to stop rhyming, it hurts my fingers.
Look at how uncomfortable Black Torre is here.
He's like "Do I...do I eat her?"
But that is nothing compared to the extreme awkardness and uncomfortability of Posada being held in Joba's embrace.
"Oh...oh man. I need to retire."
Why the awkward pose, Pence? Are you planning on going down a water slide in the next few seconds?
The ultimate definition of creeping along.

Oh balloon strangler, you are quite the fail.